Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Mommy Stuff

I'm a worrier. Did you know that?

I worry about lots of dumb stuff, like...well, no, to me it's all important.

There are some bigger-picture things I worry about as a mama, though:

I really want Hal to be sweet and kind. I worry, though, that I'm trying too hard to make him the "anti-boy," and that my motivation has more to do with some weird bristling I have when people say, "he's all boy!" Is he? I just want him to be "all person."

I hope I have the courage to follow through with my parenting convictions. I'm not a strong personality, not persuasive. The stakes are different now that I'm a mama, and I don't want to compromise on things like my hopes for Hal's education and my seemingly maniacal anti-TV and video game stance. Side note: becoming a mama has really helped me to stand up for myself and my family more.

Power to the MAMA!

I worry that I will have to rescue him from a horrific accident someday, and that I will fail. That's kind of a dumb one, but I just keep thinking of the poor mama and her baby that died in the 35W bridge collapse. Seriously! How do you rescue a child from a child restraint seat when your car is filling with water?!!!!!

Another dumb one: I worry that I will continue to age 5 years for every year of my son's life. 2.5 years ago, I could easily pass for 25 and under. I really took pride in my youthful appearance. Now, I look my age...not 25 and under. I'm vain, and I look tired. Maybe if I worried less I wouldn't age as quickly.


Positive note: you know what I've been doing lately that helps me sleep a bit better? I visualize something really great, which for me is "abundance." It's challenging, because my brain is all, "Hey! this is fake, yo!" but I'm improving. I just imagine Tony driving a nice little Prius to his job as the CEO of a wonderful non-profit, me walking hand in hand with Hal to preschool at the lovely Waldorf school that I'm dying for him to attend, biking to my new cool lab job, going to a coffee shop with the family on the weekend for a fun treat and not freaking out about it.

What are your worries?


Tizzalicious said...

I think you could still pass for under 25! You look great!

I worry about my shop not being succesful enough to make a living, which means I wouldn't be able to move abroad to be with my boyfriend full time and officially :S

femputer said...

Your visualizations sounds like a good way to transfer negative worrying energy into positive goal reaching energy. :)

Heather said...

Oh man, becoming a mom made me worry a lot more too - and I was already a worrier! I mostly worry about Moses being safe and (like you) growing up to be a good person. Sometimes I wish I didn't have all my psychology training because I'm always afraid that things I'm doing are going to "scar" him. Sheesh.

And I agree with Tizz - you still totally look young! But I too noticed wrinkles around my eyes for the first time right after giving birth. :)

Anonymous said...

From one worrier to another, welcome to my world! The sad news is that for this mother, & I suspect you, the worrying doesn't ever go away...no matter the age of your child. Interesting to read about your "accident/tragedy" dreams concerning your child. I first started experiencing those after 2/26/1966 & have just kept adding loved ones to worry about ever since!